Let's admit it. Tonight is not going to be as exciting as pundits want you to anticipate. They are all about ratings. You should be all about information. But you are not. You are more like the Romans sitting at the Colosseum. You are wanting to see a battle.
To bring about that type of entertainment, here is a short list of things Mr. Obama and Mr. Romney can do to get your money's worth.
Number One: Mr. Romney brings a pillow and blanket for Mr. Obama.
Number Two: Mr. Obama shows up in a professor's brown elbow patched jacket and bow tie. He explains he's going to school Romney on taxes and foreign policies.
Number Three: Mr. Obama rolls out a chalkboard with a check register pre-drawn. He asks Mr. Romney to balance the budget with his vague tax proposals.
Number Four: Mr. Obama flips over the chalkboard and there is a pre-drawn T-Chart. He asks Mr. Romney, "Are you Romney 1.0 or 2.0 tonight?"
Number Five: Mr. Romney rolls out a teleprompter and asks "Do you need this tonight?"
Number Six: Mr. Obama starts laughing hysterically during all of Mr. Romney's answers. He explains that he is doing his Sean Hannity and Rush impersonations.
Number Seven: Mr. Obama code switches to his best Clinton impersonation. He moves his tongue to the inside cheek, lifts a finger, and says to the audience, "Now wait for it. He really thinks you are going to believe him this time."
Number Eight: Mr. Romney looks into the camera with a straight face and says, "I'm against everything I said before because those were primaries. I'm running for office for Pete sakes!"
Now the pundits will go wild but we'll have our fun.
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